


Help, I'm Alive

by valkyrienix



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Flashbacks, Gen, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 02:22:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2293427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyrienix/pseuds/valkyrienix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He turns though.  He turns and looks at you.  He looks you dead in the eye and you feel your entire body freeze.  You stare into his eyes, those pin prick eyes. They’re covered in filth and blood, still rotting, yet still somehow there.  They’re still capable of meeting yours, of acknowledging your presence.  They just can’t process the fact that you’re his sister.  He won’t have the same memories you have, but you know that it’s all there, locked away and unreachable.  You think maybe it’d have been easier for you to have shot him if he’d had hollow caverns where his eyes should’ve been.  You’d have been able to keep feeling more detached.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help, I'm Alive

**Author's Note:**

> jem walker is precious dont try to convince me otherwise

_You turn the corner. You always turn the corner despite what your gut tells you. You know what’s coming, on the other side of the shelf, have seen it a thousand times, heard the noises a thousand ways. You’ve memorised every spot of blood, both human and rotter. You know the horror of what comes next, you know what’s about to happen, and yet you still turn the corner._

_There he is, his fingers, stiff with death, cupping the brains of your friend Lisa. You know that it’s Lisa that they’re devouring, have seen her death in your mind a million times, and yet your heart still skips a beat, raises itself from your chest and into your throat as you try to hold back the scream rising deep from your lungs. You point the gun, because you are remorseless, you are the Rambo of Roarton, and this rotten fuck isn’t worth two pennies to you._

_He turns though. He turns and looks at you. He looks you dead in the eye and you feel your entire body freeze. You stare into his eyes, those pin prick eyes. They’re covered in filth and blood, still rotting, yet still somehow there. They’re still capable of meeting yours, of acknowledging your presence. They just can’t process the fact that you’re his sister. He won’t have the same memories you have, but you know that it’s all there, locked away and unreachable. You think maybe it’d have been easier for you to have shot him if he’d had hollow caverns where his eyes should’ve been. You’d have been able to keep feeling more detached._

_Why did he have to look at you? Why hadn’t you shot the minute you’d rounded the corner? Why had you hesitated? All the feelings you’d managed to shove into some hidden pocket of your mind over the last year and a half or so flood into your mind, and you can feel the anger and the hate and the desperation come over you. He’d fucking died, died without a word to you. You could understand your parents, maybe. Sure, lots of teen suicides didn’t leave notes to their parents, but you two were the closest siblings in the damn village, and how_ dare _he not leave you a note, not leave you some form of explanation._

_“Fuck,” you say under your breath, and then the dream morphs, and Kieren’s standing in front of you again, black blood smears around his mouth and on his clothes, and his pin prick eyes are once again lifeless, thoughtless, full of hunger. He’s coming toward you, slowly, hesitantly. You can see the fight in his body, the way his movements are jerky, the way he desperately shakes, but his eyes are lifeless, and that’s what’s scaring you. That’s what makes you pull the safety off your gun. Mind over matter never worked, not for anyone._

_Your dad’s there, being stupid as always, close enough to Kieren that he could die in an instant, but still he’s there, talking to Kieren, trying to get to him. But you know better. You know Kieren won’t be able to go back, and you know he’s going to kill your dad. He won’t be able to live with himself after he comes back, and it’ll be the same situation all over again, except you’ll have lost two people that you care about, and you’ll be fucked if you ever allow that to happen._

_Yet, still, you can’t pull the trigger. Your finger hovers over it, desperately wanting to, ready at your command, but you can’t give it. You can’t find it in yourself to shoot your own broth--_

BANG.

You’re awake in a flash, hands gripping your gun tightly as you sit up. The fabric of your clothing sticks to your skin, clings to it, and sweat drips from your brow in racing droplets. There’s no one there, only the faint sounds of someone moving around in the hall, muffled laughter, soft and sweet. It’s your brother’s. Kier's. There’s the faint sound of his boyfriend, Simon, as he no doubt whispers something more into his ear. 

You fall back against the pillows, releasing the breath you’d been holding and close your eyes, relief washing over your faster than your terrified sweat could. Fucking hell.


End file.
